Updating the List
by Jania Jitsu
Summary: What is this mysterious List that all the women in County seem to cherish, worship, and adore? Just a weird plot bunny I couldn't get out. I put it at PG to be safe.


*Title: Updating the List  
  
*Author: Jania Jitsu  
  
*Disclaimer: ER doesn't belong to me, even though I asked Santa Claus  
for a Carter last year.  
  
*Feedback: jedi_padawan@n2trouble.com  
  
*Summary: What is this mysterious List that all the women in County   
seem to cherish, worship, and adore? Just a weird plot bunny I couldn't  
get out of my head.  
  
*Spoilers: Probably not.  
  
*Season/Sequel Info: None.  
  
*Rating: PG-ish  
  
*Notes: The List has nothing to do with my personal preferences, except  
for number one (which is kinda obvious). I just pretty much put stuff   
on there. I tried to think how others would think aboutit. And I made   
up half of them anyway. Don't concentrate on the actual list so much as   
the humor. The Big Picture, people.  
  
  
  
  
  
It was a magnificently slow day in County General ER and the   
staff was enjoying the luxurious feeling of having virtually nothing to  
do.  
  
But there was something odd going on. All the women denied it,  
but most of the men sensed it. Being men, it had taken them quite a  
while to come to the conclusion that something was off, and even longer  
to mention it to others.  
  
Mark had begun to notice over the years he worked at County  
General that, on extremely slow days, the women in the ER would somehow  
end up in the bathroom. All of them.   
  
They wouldn't all go at the same time. It would start with them  
telling each other that it was time to update the List. Then they would   
go, one or two at a time, to the women's bathroom, where they would  
stay for at least twenty minutes before sneaking out again in ones and  
twos.  
  
Mark brought it up with Carter once, and found that Carter had  
noticed the same thing. They asked Benton, who had subconsciously  
noticed it, but hadn't really ever thought about it before. Dave and  
Luka weren't around long enough to have really noticed, but they were  
quite intrigued.   
  
Unfortunately, there was no way to find out what was going on,  
short of putting a camera in the bathroom.  
  
  
  
  
"Hey," Randi said to Lydia in a low voice, "I was told to tell  
you: it's time to Update the List."  
  
Lydia nodded nonchalantly, like Randi had told her that she had  
blonde hair. Then she went to go tell the others.  
  
  
  
  
Abby had seen the list before, of course, as it was difficult   
to miss. But she had never seen it being Updated. Supposedly Updating  
was a very important part of the existence of the List.  
  
"Now?" Abby asked impatiently.  
  
"Wait for it," Jing-Mei said quietly. She looked up from the  
book she was reading and surveyed the hall. There was no one in sight.  
"Now."  
  
They got up and walked quickly and quietly down the hall,  
hoping to avoid anything male. Unfortunately, Abby knocked into a cart  
carrying metal bedpans.  
  
"Let's run for it," Jing-Mei hissed. But they didn't have  
enough time.  
  
"What happened?" a sleepy voice behind them asked.  
  
Jing-Mei and Abby turned around to find Carter practically  
sleepwalking out of the exam room he was napping in. His clothes were  
wrinkled and his hair was messed up. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to  
the light.  
  
Jing-Mei nudged Abby, who nodded, wide-eyed. They were  
definitely thinking about the same thing.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Abby managed to say. "It was just an  
accident. I knocked over this thing." She gestured over at the mess.  
  
"Hey," Carter complained, "I'm supposed to be the klutzy one   
here."  
  
Jing-Mei laughed, albeit uneasily. "Go back to sleep," she  
ordered.  
  
Carter nodded and went back into the exam room.  
  
"That was close," Abby said.  
  
"Come on. We can pick this up later." Jing-Mei pulled Abby by  
her wrist into the women's bathroom.  
  
"We were starting to worry about you," Chuni said.  
  
"Wouldn't miss this for anything. It's Abby's first Updating."  
Everyone ooh-ed and ahh-ed. "But you should have seen Carter! We  
accidentally woke him up."   
  
"Yeah, right," everyone laughed. They knew how cute Carter was  
when he had just woken up, so they didn't really believe it was an  
accident.  
  
"No, really!" Abby insisted. "I ran into a cart of bedpans."  
This caused more laughter.  
  
  
  
  
Dave Malucci paused before throwing another paper ball into the  
wastebasket. "What d'you think's going on in there?" he asked as they  
heard the distinct sound of female laughter.  
  
Mark shrugged. "Dunno." They looked out the door of the lounge,  
both intensely curious.  
  
  
  
  
"All right," Elizabeth said, "as Acting Mediator in Kerry's  
absence," which was very odd indeed, "I call this Updating to order."  
  
Everyone quieted down immediately.  
  
"Thank you. Carol- in loving remembrance of the List- has sent  
us new photos of Doug from Seattle." Everyone cheered. "All right, all  
right, calm down. I'll pass them 'round, along with the Christmas party  
rolls. Then we'll decide if we need to Update."  
  
"Aww," Haleh cooed, "look at Doug the family man!"  
  
"I don't like the beard," Conni complained and most of the   
others agreed.  
  
"Are we all agreed, then," Elizabeth asked, "that this moves   
Doug Ross down?"  
  
There were nods all around the room. Elizabeth recorded the  
information in the Doug Ross file and filed the picture.  
  
"All right. Now is the time when I pass out the ballots and you  
write what you think the Top Ten List should look like."  
  
Abby looked at the wall by the mirror, where the Top Ten List  
(just the List, for short) was. It was a revisable documentation that  
recorded- what else?- the cutest staff members in County General. All  
of the male staff in the ER were in the file, and some of the staff  
from elsewhere were there too.  
  
Abby looked at her ballot and chewed on her pen. Much as she  
loved Luka, she would have to be honest. He wasn't number one. She  
wrote down her version of the Top Ten List and put it in the "Ballot  
Box"- an old shoebox that was kept in the bathroom.  
  
Each of the women put her vote in. Elizabeth, Haleh, and  
Jing-Mei got together to tally the votes.  
  
  
  
  
"They've quieted down," Dave said. He had his ear pressed to  
the door. "I can't here a thing."  
  
"Wait-" Benton said, "I think I heard something about the top  
ten."  
  
"The top ten *what*?"  
  
"I don't know," Benton said irritably, "they didn't say. Damn,  
now I can't hear anything either."  
  
"Oh, well," Mark said with defeat, "we did the best we could.  
We had better go now, before they catch us."  
  
  
  
  
"Do you think they've gone now?" Elizabeth asked in a quiet   
voice.  
  
Randi took her ear away from the door and nodded. "Yeah,  
they're gone for sure. They've finally given up."  
  
"Good. Back to business, then."  
  
Everyone chattered excitedly for a bit, and Elizabeth waited  
for them to quiet back down. She read off the List, sounding like a   
sports commentor.  
  
"There, now. At number ten, from Pedes: Kenneth LeBlanc!"  
  
There were comments all around.  
  
"At number nine, from Radiology: Steven Cornell!  
  
"At number eight, Surgery's own Peter Benton!"  
  
Cleo cheered. Everyone else just made the usual comments.  
  
"Cardiology has number seven, with James York!   
  
"Surgery is back, with Robert Demasi at number six!  
  
"Our next man is gone, but certainly not forgotten. A man who  
used to top the List, Doug Ross is fighting to stay in the top five!"  
  
"Number four is from Psychology: Todd Munroe!  
  
"And I am *very* pleased to announce that the top three cutest  
males at Cook County General Hospital are all from the ER.  
  
"Number three is . . . Dave Malucci!  
  
"Number two is . . . Luka Kovac!"  
  
Now it was Abby's turn to cheer, but this time everyone was  
with her.  
  
"And now, the cutie who, I've heard, has never left number one  
since he knocked Doug Ross down seven years ago . . . surprise,   
surprise, it's John Carter!"  
  
Everyone cheered loudly. They very much supported this  
decision.  
  
  
  
  
Later that day- thirty minutes after everyone had left the  
bathroom, actually- the ER picked up a bit. No one mentioned anything  
about what had happened earlier, but the guys were waiting for their  
next chance to find out just what went on in the women's bathroom.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The End  
  
  
  



End file.
